Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Requiem for a Twilight Widower

It was about five months ago now that I realized my wife was seeing another man.

His name is Edward Cullen.

It is rather ironic.When our kid first tried to get her to read the books, she was reluctant.

"I'm not reading some pre-teen masturbation crap," she exclaimed scornfully.

But this all changed in November of 2008, when she was introduced to Edward Cullen's onscreen alter ego; Robert Pattinson.

Yes, the actor whose previous claim to fame was being the kid that bit it in one of Harry Potter flicks is now secretly trysting with my woman.

I should have known something was amiss when I came home from work one day to be greeted by a note reading:

Went to see Twilight again, so it's your turn to cook.

Now, after five months, daily re-readings of the entire series, hourly searches of Twilight fan blogs, weekly viewings of the Three-Disc Ultimate Fan Edition DVD, and some very disturbing speculative fan-fiction posted online (Emmett and Jasper's Evil Squirrels?), I am beginning to think this isn't just a phase.

So now I have created this blog. Perhaps there are other men (and women) who have felt neglected when their partner is in their "Twilight Zone."

Brothers, sisters, there are others out there who feel your pain. Your significant other belongs to Edward now. I understand. We are all Jacobs in this triangle.