Friday, June 12, 2009

Undead By Any Other Name

This week, watching horror flicks with the teen got me thinking. Why are some supernatural creatures (like vampires or werewolves) treated as sexy, seductive, potential boyfriend material, while others, (like zombies, mummies, or dancing skeletons) are treated as vile, hideous monsters?

You have to wonder (I know I have): would Twilight have been such a success if Edward Cullen had been a less desirable undead creature? Would Edward be nearly as desirable if he was, say, a shambling, flesh-eating zombie? Consider the following scene:

Bella Swan: You're impossibly slow, and dumb. Your skin is pale green and squishy. Your eyes fall out, and sometimes you speak like— like you have no vocal chords. You never drink anything. You keep trying to eat my brain. How old are you?

Edward Cullen: Uuuuhhhh.

Bella Swan: I know what you are.

Edward Cullen: Gaaaahhhh uhhh.

Bella Swan: Zombie.

Edward Cullen: Urrrrr.


I was sure of three things. One, Edward was a zombie.
Two, there was a part of him, and I didn't know how strong it was, that hungered for my brains. And third, I was irrevocably in love with him.

Not nearly so sexy, is it? Vampires really do get all the breaks when it comes to being undead.

It's hard to say exactly what is it about vampires that makes them so appealing. Is it the money? Mummies guard vast hoards of treasure, and you don't see the ladies lining up. Yes, they usually are dust-farting old piles of bones wrapped in bandages, but at least they have a steady job, and they often have a pretty swank pyramid to live in.

Is it the sense of lust intermingled with danger? The offer of immortal life? It can't be that. The zombies mentioned above are pretty lusty in their pursuit of eating human flesh, and that - you must admit - is rather dangerous. And when they kill, their prey rise up and become immortal zombies. So what is it then?

The only answer I can think of must be wardrobe. Girls are suckers for a sharp dressed man, even if he lacks a pulse. Be it Dracula, Lestat, Bill Compton, Edward Cullen or the Count from Sesame Street, vampires always dress well. They're really the only undead creatures with panache and style.But for a pair of Pradas and a well-cut suit, I can only presume my wife would be lusting after this:


He may not be perfect, but at least he knows
how to show a girl a good time.


209 comments:

  1. Hilarious!! I have been anxiously awaiting your next post and it was well worth the wait! You don't dissapoint!

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  2. You forgot the sparkle man...it's esssential XD

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  3. I think the vampire part is really a second thought. I think it's that Edward is so "perfect". Bella doesn't have to beat on the door to get her husband off the toilet, pick up his dirty laundry off the floor, burp after dinner...he is only there to love her and do whatever she needs him to do. Whether he needs speed, power, money or whatever, he can do it. Perfection! The vampire part just adds mystery to the whole thing.
    Loved the post!

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  4. This was irrevocably FUNNY!
    I love you. Really. I do.

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  5. HILARIOUS as always!! Loved the commentary. STILL cracking up!

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  6. OK - I am at a loss....I too really really lust for Edward Cullen (and of course Rob Patz) but he is starting to be replaced by of all people - YOU! I think you might outshine Edward in some areas (don't remember Edward having a sense of humour). I live in Vancouver - any chance of meeting up with you??

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  7. hehe finally he posts. love it! :)

    RT HELP @peterfacinelli http://twitpic.com/7971j on twitter..we need everyone's help..change your default pic to this one..and let's make him a trending topic..:)

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  8. This is the best one yet! Rewriting the quote from Twilight was priceless. My husband is going to die when he reads this one.

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  9. We've (husband included) missed you and your posts. How could you, its been a week. We felt the hole in our chest that you left when you hadn't posted in a week. It even hurt just to think about you and your unwritten post...atlast..he posted again. You COMPLETE US..you had us, well not so much the husband, at Edward Cullen. The one with the cold feet on her back did it for him.

    I'm still laughing. I gots to wake the hubs up for this one. KEEP Em coming. Don't leave for too long now.

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  10. oh god x'D

    i'm from portugal and i'm an huge fan of the books, and i myself had a little hard time by trying to read the books will trying to finish the first semester of university. it was fun xD
    now my priorities are in the right order but i cant help to sheck on your blog everytime i go to lexicon x'D you are way too funny to be missed

    now, while suffering the pressure of tests, exams and projects it's like heave to come here and read your hilarious posts! =D

    thank you!!

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  11. *heaven, lol ups

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  12. LMAO, this is an excellently hysterical entry! I can't wait til my husband comes back in after washing his car...he's going to love it, too :)
    nice work, TW!!

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  13. I totally loved it, and enjoy your great sense of humor as well as your take on how we females react....yes it is a mystery even to us... I think why vampires are both scary and must haves....maybe because they require so little maintenance and offer so much intrigue.

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  14. I'm waiting to see your take on those of us who've re-written the books and called it "Fan Fiction"... I'm a (watered down) TwiMom myself, and I love you! If we didn't have a sense of humor about our obsessions, life would suck mightily. xox

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  15. Awesome! I love you Twilight Widower! You are absolutely right about the zombie thing. Edward would NOT be hot if he were a zombie! I was laughing until I almost peed while I read the whole "I know what you are" scene!

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  16. Love it! Thanks for writing your posts never fail to bring smiles & laughter. I am a Team Edward Twihard who anxiously awaits your next blog. Please don't make us wait long.

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  17. LOL! You nailed! It's the wardrobe! The custom-made peacoats and popped collars! :D

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  18. i dunno... rotting animated corpse just doesnt have the same appeal as marble adonis.

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  19. It's so easy, I'm surprised you didn't see it. It's the perfectly coiffed hair! Edward: carefully arranged bouffant/hair that never moves. Zombie hair is sticky with brains, mummy hair is all flat from years under wraps, and, well, skeletons don't have hair. Only thing that would make Edward's hair better: bed hair. Which completely explains the Rob thing.

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  20. You posted and it was on my birthday. Thank you. As an aged (34 year old - just!) twifan I can tell you now why all the ladies love the vamps. The anti-age beautifing power of blood suckers gets us every time. Its better than any cream or operation and doesn't cost anything except your mortal life. Meh.
    So what I need to know is as a slack groomer with the odd grey hair if I lucked out and Edward or Carlisle (at my age can't be too fussy) would I get frozen with stubbly legs and 70s bush for all eternity? Or does sparkle skin all have selective delapitation powers too?

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  21. Also remember that when you are immortal, when changed into a vampire you are also changed into your perfect version of you. The indestructible, most confidant, most daring culmination of you as a perfect 10, minus the living forever part. No other part of the undead world could ever be that sexy and desirable. Sorry mummies and zombies.
    Good blog entry! You are so creative.

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  22. ROTFLMAO! I'd just like to know what Horror movies were you watching with the teen that brought this up and into your subconscious?!Have to disagree with you on the clothes theory. If a woman is attracted to a guy, zombie, mummy, etc. he doesn't have to be wearing a stitch of clothing-clothes don't make the man,the man makes the clothes.
    Edward isn't attractive to women because he's wearing a pea coat,he's attractive to women because he's elusive and has a mystery surrounding him that screams "solve me".
    Have you ever given thought to just how similar your mind is to Bella's?... you are spending so much time trying to solve the mystery of Edward ;)
    P.S.It's always nice to know there is some mummy for everybody.

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  23. There was a film from the early 90's called My Boyfriends Back that was about zombie love. It co-stared Matthew Fox (of Lost) and Matthew McConaughey (as guy #2). I'll never understand why zombies haven't made more of an impact in Hollywood as leading men. Maybe if Matthew McConaughey had landed the role of guy #1 it would have been a more successful movie.

    Robert Pattinson would make a gorgeous zombie apart from the odd appendage falling off. On second thought, I'd like the keep my brain.

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  24. I just had to say that I always laugh out loud at your posts, they are hilarious! My husband also enjoys your posts, knowing that someone else feels his pain. I always look forward to what you have to say and it helps keep my own twilight addiction in check (ok not really, its just one more stop in my world of twilight websites I check). Keep up the good work!

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  25. Listen: I don't know if you have a day-job, but if you do you need to quit it now! Too many of us are now relying on you for a massive dose of laughter. Please sell your car, your house..whatever it is you have to do to be a stay at home blogger for the enjoyment of total strangers who barely have a grasp on reality.

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  26. Mummies are hot, too.

    Loved this post.

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  27. OK. So 'most' vampires are beautiful. But the looks are just the frosting on the cake. Consider this, while you will not see a woman swooning after a zombie (you know with the rotting skin and all), you will find some going nuts for The Phantom of the Opera, and Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame - they didn't get the girl in the story but there are many out there who would've gladly puckered up for a smooch. But here is the thing, Esmeralda and Christine Daae where not bad looking either. Would the Phantom and Quasi even consider lowering THEIR standards a bit? I think not. But then Edward, a very handsome, albeit -dead- guy offers his unconditional love to the plain yet smart girl... Not so hard to guess why women would choose him, huh?

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  28. Ok respect my friend....You are awesome!!!Keep it up and we will be waiting for your next post!!!

    P.S. I was looking forward to read what you would write 2 weeks ago about the shirtless pics of R.Pattz, and i was dissapointed not to see anything...Anyway good job!

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  29. HILARIOUS. Edward as zombie xD

    Vampires are mysterious. That's what is sexy about them.

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  30. Another negetive about Zombies is they smell like rotting flesh. No thanks, I'll take human over that any day.
    Glad you're back. I can understand that it's hard to be in on the computer in the summer.

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  31. I have a thing for The Count...I'm just sayin.

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  32. Michael Jackson? No f'ing way! Your wife would not be lusting after his moldy ass no matter what kind of shoes he wore.

    Edward is pretty close to perfect, especially if you're a morning person (the sparkly factor and all). His possessiveness would grate after oh, 2 minutes or so, but really, I'd be willing to give him a try. 'Specially if it's Robward instead of the guy on the pages of the books.

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  33. You never fail to make me laugh my ass off! I really think you've hit the nail on the head! And the reworked Bella/Edward conversation with Edward as a zombie, holy shit, I nearly peed my pants! I think it's a little something like this... I can live without a little bit of my blood if my vampire boyfriend wanted just a taste... I can't live very well without a little bit of my brain. So I'd pick the blood sucker over the brain eater any day!!

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  34. You are hilarious!!! Never fail to make me laugh!

    Now, contrary to other opinions, I think the thing that makes Edward Cullen so irresistably desirable is his unshakable, unending love and devotion to Bella. Any woman would walk through fire (hee hee) for a man like that! I would gladly burn for any man that put me before everything and everyone else...

    Oh yeah and the ALL (and I mean ALL) ROCK HARD BODY... mushy zombies can't compete with that... enough said about that one!

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  35. You need to read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies :)

    Hey, ZZ Top for being the scraggly long-bearded men that they are knew what was up... They come runnin' just as fast as they can cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man!

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  36. What did I do with myself before I found your blog?!?!

    You sir are hilarious... never heard that before have you? :0) I just had to put my 2 cents in on this one. Personally, I want my husband to turn into Edward b/c Edward is so dreamy - I mean kind and loving and attentive... my husband on the other hand... wellllllll *nuff said* I think I'll go buy some glitter!!! Oh, and the zombie part, if it were Edward Freakin Cullen I could care less if he were zombie, mummy, or whatever. (I will have to remember to keep my brain well away from the mouth)

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  37. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  38. One question for you.
    May I use the first picture for my own blog? I have use of it for when I get back at my brother.

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  39. hate to tell you this but life is gonna get a lot worse for you. If you haven't already seen the new "stare collage" at people.com check it out. I know that your wife has ;/
    http://www.people.com/people/package/video/0,,20283823_20285422,00.html
    Sorry Twi-widower hope you have a 2nd computer

    June 17, 2009 12:41 PM

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  40. Hi All, I have a solution for you. HERE GOES...THE CURE: YOU need to find a book that you feel about as passionately about as your beloved Twilight addict. My suggestion: THE MAD ONES: Crazy Joe Gallo and the Revolution at the Edge of the Underworld about gangster Joey Gallo. Check out The Daily Show this week - http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=230676&title=tom-folsom

    THE BEST PART is that movie mogul Harvey Weinstein is considering Robert Pattinson for the role as recently reported in US Magazine - http://www.usmagazine.com/news/robert-pattinson-to-play-a-gangster-next-200926 -

    So now you can scoop your addict on Rob's vampire to gangster role before she even knows and reclaim a story of your own!

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  41. If zombies would sparkle and wear nice clothes, I'd consider it. However, zombies don't sparkle and their skin just falls off in chunks, so I'll stick with my EC for now.

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  42. WHERE ARE YOU?? I cannot believe you have not been writing away with all the drama poor RPattz has endured in NYC this week? Perhaps you are away from your computer, having escorted your wife to Manhatten to weep for her beloved?

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  43. Oh my Cullen. I just love your website. ;D
    Sorry that you have to handle this, but he's just Edward.
    No need to explain, is there?
    xoxo
    Brazilians ♥ TwilightWidower

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  44. Twilight/Vampire lovers ♥

    Edward Cullen, I love you ♥__♥'

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  45. Hey! Do you happen to drive a yellow taxi cab? BTW June 20th !! Edward's B-day is today! and he doesn't look a day over 17!!!

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  46. Please say you are doing a Father's Day post for all the dear husbands and dads out there...You make them all feel just a little less alone. Thanks for the laughs!

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  47. You need to start posting more often!!! You are hillarious :) and yes vamps are superior to the other undead creatures

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  48. As a T'widower since November, 2008, this is all review for me. What many Twidowers have found out, is that there is more time to do whatever, while the addicts get their fix. One fellow Twidower found time to get Microsoft Certified, while I've taught myself web programming. This would have been difficult to do without The Twilight Effect...vast amounts of silent time to figure out what to do with new-found, silent free-time!

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  49. Muito legal !
    Adorei e ri muito !

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  50. I was seriously considering moving out of the country until this insanity blows over until I found your blog. I'm still seriously considering it, but at least I'll have something to read on the flight.

    It'll be a wonderful day when this Twinsanity is over and done with.

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  51. twi-widower, you are on to something with the "Zombie Theory" and now others are picking up on it. Check out the most ecent issue of Entertainment Weekly. They also mention the Vampire Frenzy and pose the question: "Will Zombies be next?" Perhaps they read this blog topic?

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  52. This has got to be the funniest blog EVER! Seriously, I aspire to be that sarcastic! Well, thanks for the laughs and keep up the good work. (I mean, seriously, keep ‘em coming!)
    Respecfully,
    An Anonymous (semi-normal) TwiFiend

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  53. After weeks of trying not to admit I love this blog, I have bookmarked it.

    Each post is hilarious and I can't help but Be addicted. True, I am a Twi-lite, but I think my n00b status in the world of Twilighters is what allows me to enjoy this blog.

    But along with my praise comes a warning.
    You mentioned werewolves. Don't doubt the persuasive power of the newly ripped Taylor Lautner. He may just sweep a few Team Edward fans to the other side. Then, for all the T'widowers, it becomes a three way struggle for affection.

    -Twi-liter (and Team Jacob member)

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  54. This is how my husband enjoys Twilight for himself, Twilight widower look here http://www.twifans.com/profiles/blogs/his-domestic-blisstwidudes

    Tried to email it to ya but couldn't figure out how.

    xoxo,

    twifan

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  55. Oh where oh where are you? I got all the twilight girls at work addicted to your biting wit and then you don't post for 16 days!!!! Please come back unless it's taken this long for your wife to calm down about rob almost being roadkill in NYC

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  56. Twilight Widower,

    Yeah, where are you? :-) Did your wife already lose her Edward addiction?

    TwiCrack Addict

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  57. I happen to think that Bella Swan is crazy and zombies are insanely hot. Or at least my zombie boyfriend, Fred, is. http://twilightzombieparody.wordpress.com

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  58. Helloooooooo....anybody home???

    Is your wife staying on computer 24/7 looking at all the hot Rob pics from the set of "Remember Me"....

    Do you remember us? We're waiting...*tapping toe impatiently*

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  59. "I don't have the strength to stay away from you"! Twilight Widow Man, where oh where can you be???

    My husband asked me to pass on a little FYI. He read something on-line on tips for a sweet breath. Chewing bettle nut. He's convinced Edward chews bettle nut. I told my husband "Pretty McSparkle Boy doesn't have to chew on bettle nut since his diet of herbivores blood would contain all the essentials relative to bettle nut". Therefore, his breath is naturally sweet and intoxicatingly delicious. Husband's considering the bettle nut himself to improve Saturday night and every other night for that matter!

    WE MISS YOU TWILIGHT WIDOW MAN!

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  60. I think your wife is a lucky lady. At least you understand that it can't be controlled!

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  61. Please, write again soon!...Pleaseeeee

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  62. Ok...............the only thing I can surmise is that after 21 straight days of putting on body glitter, you refused and your wife in a fit of rage poisoned your mushroom ravoli because {sigh}you would not sparkle for her anymore.

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  63. I guess you have become Edward..you've left us out in the woods to grieve for you..it's as if you don't exist anymore :(

    Should we be flying to Italy and save you???

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  64. Oh where, Oh where have you gone?!?!?!?! I've been waiting for your insightful wit and humor for a MONTH now!! Come back!!! :)

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  65. Miss your posts! I hope your not Edwarding us and trying to leave us for our own good to try and stop our obsessing. We all learned from Bella that it won't help.

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  66. Dude, where are you? My pain is thinking that you're not feeling it anymore, and it hurts. Don't tell me your wife has recovered and you're no longer suffering. Well, if you do tell me that, then you also have to tell every other widower how it happened. Seriously.

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  67. Please come back, we miss you.

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  68. Have you finally gone Team Edward? Or perhaps Team Jacob? Its OK, I can totally understand why, I only come to your site to check up on my husband and see how he's most likely feeling... no, really, I dont miss you at all b/c I'm so totally Team Edward... SERIOUSLY - WHERE THE CRAP ARE YOU DUDE?!?!?!

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  69. Developing a gaping,aching Edward sized hole in my middle.No amount of squeezing myself tightly is doing the trick.Please come back to us Twi-Widower and soon,before we begin to believe that maybe we imagined your biting, on-target, witty, tongue in cheek sarcasm.
    All kidding aside- I hope that you and yours are all okay and you're just enjoying the summer before "Eclipse" starts filming in your backyard in August ;)

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  70. Looking forward to your next post
    so I can
    laugh
    hysterically.

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  71. oh my gosh - your blog is HILARIOUS... can't wait to make my hubby read it...

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  72. Can't wait for your next post!!! Simply awesome!

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  73. Please don't leave us in the forest all alone........

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  74. Judging by the quality of Mr. Pattinson's acting, I would say he WAS a zombie.

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  75. Thank you for pulling me out of my idiotic teenage RP obsession I feel so stupid and now reading this makes me laugh off the whole charade as pure hallucination! Yes the obsession with an intensely cute, adoring, dream like long legged young vampire that happens to get so much damn PR I can barely stand it! is not real. Thats it.. it must be a dream I was having of someone else that had the problem. And for the record it was not me!!! .

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  76. I think the core of Edward-Obsessives are ex-Duran Duran fans---Pattinson's hairdo in the film is straight out of the early 80s. You would think that someone over 100 years old would update his style more than once every 20 years...

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  77. Sure miss reading your posts...when do we get a new one??????

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  78. I agree with lori...you've been gone a long time and so much Twilight news has come and gone that I know you were making fun of...gimme new posts!

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  79. Has R.Patz finally taken his revenge?
    Has the Twilght Widower's lair been located?and breached?
    Did the Cullen boys rip you apart and burn the pieces?

    Where in this vast cyber world are you?!

    "It'll be as if I'd never existed" N.M. pg.71

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  80. Am I going to have to fly to Italy to save you Mr Widower?!?!? Because, while my visa is up to date, I really don't have the Cullen money behind me, so I can't afford it. Sorry, you'll have to find salvation on your own, but please post soon so I won't be overrun with guilt!

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  81. LMAO!! Oh, how happy Iam to have stumbled across this blog! You're my new favorite! I've even given you a Blog Award!
    Come check it out!
    http://tarotmom.blogspot.com/2009/08/and-award-goes-to.html

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  82. well theyre are back in vancouver are you now having to drive into town to get milk again? Or has your wife decided for the summer she'd like to try camping .. maybe outside the air port?? ..We need news on your wifes condition any hot sweats regardless of the fact the air con is on full? Did she buy you a red cape for your birthday and told you the goth look is back in style?.. Perhaps she spotted a very nice second hand 911 turbo that just happend to be bright yellow for sale in the local paper.. we need news man NEWS!

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  83. You are too funny my man!!! my significant other hasnt figured it out yet. why i keep burning dinners and none of his shirts are ironed. i have lost my freakin mind to this whole twilight thing. i havent been like this since Donny Osmond back in the 70s. no internet in those days. cartoons once a week. letters wrote by hand no twitter its a wonder i didnt end up in a straight jacket (altho if this continues and there seems to be no escape from the bonds of my love for edward cullen, i may not be so lucky)

    look forward to your next post and much love

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  84. Please post again. . . you're f'n hilarious!!!

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  85. That is one of the funniest things I have ever seen!!!!! I can't stop laughing!

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  86. wow. you are just, like, the MAN! i have forwarded your blog to my own widower, who just this very evening yelled at me for a bit of not-very-adult-or-motherly behavior. (i dont know, something about dinner or the dog or whatever - i was on Twitarded at the time)
    be patient with us, we are a fragile and delicate legion of leechlovers... i very much enjoyed your bog on poor jacob - i struggle daily with my love for jake vs the undeniable pull of edward, and the gist of your post is precisely why. YOU ARE SO INSIGHTFUL!
    thanks for the giggles....

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  87. After 2 full months...no blogs..no insults..
    no comparisons...no pulse..
    R.I.P. Twilight Widower... We miss you.

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  88. I have just discovered your blog. It is priceless.
    I hope all is well in your personal life and you will be returning to this site.

    Regards from southern Mexico.

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  89. I officially think you died.

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  90. Dear TW:

    I heard from the Twitarded girls that you decided to retire from your extremely hilarious TWA blog. You have an amazing sense of humor and I love your witty writing style. Even though you are retiring from the Twilight world, if you are not already a writer, consider a career as such.

    Thanks for the many laughs at lunch time and breaks during my work day!

    Wishing you all the best,

    DH

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  91. When will you resume your writing??? I figured since Eclipse was filming, we would see some new stuff. Though I am a female who loves Edward, I truly enjoy your blog and look forward to your return.

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  92. hahaha! You are SOOO funny!

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  93. My husband was so excited to hear about your blog we went through a bunch of your older posts to read and laugh about my addiction together. Where are you? Did your wife suddenly drop Edward like a hot potato? Please tell me that your indulgence met an untimely demise and you decided she wasn't worth it anymore. Inquiring minds want to know.

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  94. If you want to retire the blog, you have every right to reclaim your time with the wife. A little bit of CLOSURE might be nice. It doesn't even have to be true-- just funny. Since Zombieland just came out, I'm sure you can think of a way to tie your last post in with the new mania of zombies and find a way to say 'so long, farewell...' Thanks for the laughs. Best,

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  95. Please don't say you've suddenly realized that you have a love of twilight too. I don't think i could take it if you did.

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  96. I love twilight and I love your blog. I hope you keep writing cause you crack me up.

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  97. I hope you're not gone forever! I'm sure your stories about the preparations for the upcoming 'New Moon' release would be a great source of entertainment for everybody. Hope all is well!

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  98. I'm still creeped out at MJ dying a few weeks after I posted his pic.

    It isn't the first time I wryly mentioned someone online who died within weeks. It freaks me out, I can tell you.

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  99. [CARTOON] Twilight New Moon
    http://pastexpiry.blogspot.com/2009/11/cartoon-twilight-new-moon.html

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  100. Skeleton men can also be intriguing. Skulduggery Pleasant - witty, sexy, and charming.

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  101. Twilight Widower - I sincerely hope you will live down with (do you say like this, sorry, my english might not be perfect) your superstitous - it was just a sad coincidence with MJ. However, it was good to hear why you haven't been around.

    I really miss your humour and would love to read about your life now when New Moon has been released.

    Regards from Finland. I miss you.

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  102. Where have you been??? We miss your posts! I've been expecting some really good material since the release of New Moon... Please indulge us fans!

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  103. Please come back. I miss you ripping the piss out of this whole mad thing.

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  104. I'm from Brazil and my husband is a big fan of your posts... Please come back writting whatever you want, even if it is against my Edward... ha, ha, ha. Please!!!

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  105. I only found your blog about 4 months ago, and am bummed you stopped blogging =( Any chance of more to come?

    ReplyDelete
  106. Please Widower come back!! We miss you!! Leave out your soperstition and write again. You´re hilarious.

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  107. I've been away for so long, but i thought it was just me...from the looks of things YOU'VE DISAPPEARED, too.

    I agree with everyone here, we miss your hilarious posts about EDWARD. Was truly looking for new material now that, well, since NEW MOON'S been out and ECLIPSE is filming now. WE HOPE YOU COME BACK!! PLEASE COME BACK!!! WE MISS YOU!!

    As far as the coincidental incident, we hope you can look past that and know it was a coincidence.

    ReplyDelete
  108. I miss your posts! All of the funny things you said were actually things my fiance and I could BOTH enjoy in the Twilight world.

    As for posting a pic of MJ weeks prior to his passing, don't feel bad about it. Your posting his picture did not lead to his death. He is one of the most successful artists of all time. There were probably thousands of pictures of him posted the week before he died. I played one of his songs on my ipod the day before he died, but this doesn't make me responsible for his death either. MJ was a performer, he wanted people to listen to his music and see his music videos, so if anything, you were just doing what he would have wanted by posting a picture of him in his most succesful video ever.

    I hope you get your writing groove back! :)

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  110. I just became a widower. I thought it was just a harmless fling, and I even bought the books for my wife because she never reads anything that doesn't have "shopaholic" in the title, but now...she's just lying on the couch reading the books and watching the movies and the house is a mess... Where can I turn now?

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  111. Hello Twilight Widower,

    I'm a journalist writing a story for a major newspaper about the phenomenon of Twilight addiction and its impact on the lives and families of those it afflicts. I'd love to interview you for the story.

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    ReplyDelete
  112. I stopped by your site hopeing you'd be back. My husband and I miss your posts. I wonder how your wife is gearing up for Eclipse coming out and how you're hanging in. I think my husband is starting to like the Twilight series too. I offered to just go to Eclipse with friends this time around so as not to make him suffer through the movies and screaming fan girls, but he got all bummed out with this suggestion. :)
    anyway, I hope you'll be back!

    ReplyDelete
  113. I came by here to see if you've decided to come back...your experiences as the forgotten other half of a Twilight fanatic are so entertaining. Plus I think they also help point readers back to reality -- to listen to the "hey, hey! I know that's Edward in that picture, but look here! My skin's not ice cold..." ;)

    I hope you decide share some New Moon experiences soon. Don't forget, Eclipse is coming soon...

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  116. I have retired, as my lady has moved onto other Vampire shows. I knew she had moved on when we saw a copy of the "the Short Second Life..." and she did not even bat an eyelash.

    Though if things continue to progress as they are now, you can watch out soon for "TrueBlood Widowers Anonymous" soon.

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